I just cannot believe how fast the year is flying by.
It's been a year of great reward and also enormous frustrations.
My 'I want to homeschool my kids' bubble has been burst, and i'm very pleased to have it out of my system. I'm sure the bubble will return every so often when I get frustrated with the schooling system, (I could write an essay on that) but now I know that it isn't the 'long term' thing for me.
Many times I have felt like a failure, or have gotten really frustrated with Chi when he doesn't seem to be getting anywhere. 1 step forward, 5 backwards... that seems to be his pattern. I'm sure my facebook friends are fully aware of this through my occasional homeschooling vents... sorry, but thanks for listening and being there for me!! I have felt like throwing him across the room when he just wont concentrate. ( I didn't, I promise) I have felt like there is no escape from him. He is just always there, in my face, constantly listening to everything I say, he doesn't miss a thing. I have struggled with the balance between teaching him, doing the housework and looking after Elias. My house has been out of control more this year than EVER before, and Elias has watched So much ABC for Kids.
BUT THEN
I feel such pride and joy when I see him progressing.
I feel so relieved when I see him happy and confident. Im just so happy that we took him out of school, there is no doubt in my mind that we did the right thing. He has blossomed, upwards, outwards and inwards haha. He used to look a bit like a skinny runt, not anymore ;) He is all round a happier person, and this makes me sooo happy. I was just so worried about him last year. Have you noticed I like the word 'so'?
I have been stretched BIG TIME in the patience department. I wasn't so good at this at the beginning of the year... but if you could see me now, sitting there with him, patiently while he SLOWLY figures stuff out, you would be so proud!!
I have mixed feelings about sending him back to school next year. On one hand I just cant wait! I'll be free! I can go out without feeling like I should be home teaching. I will be able to catch up with more people, YES! I will be able to sit and have a cup of tea with you without constantly trying to shooo Malachi and his big ears away! I wont have to think about lessons. I wont have to worry that i'm doing a bad job. I will have a break from Chi while he is at school... all this is so so so so good! Im happy that he will be able to go and see his friends, and run around with them at lunch time... this is something he has missed.
BUT I also don't want to send him back. I want to keep him close where I can protect him. I don't want him to compare himself to others and feel bad about himself and his learning. I dont want him to get in trouble from a mean teacher when he cant concentrate because it's too hard. He has come a long way, but still isn't up to his grade level in reading and writing. I had grand plans of sending him back, reading like a pro and surprising everyone... hasn't quite happened, but miracles can happen in a term right?
I have this one last term to help him as much as I can, and i intend to make the most of it!!
I was so impressed hearing him read to me today... and he is only going to get better :) Every morning I pray for a breakthrough, that things will just 'click' and he gets it.
I hope he looks back at this year and remembers it with fondness. I know he really appreciates that I have taken the time to teach him this year, and im so grateful that I could!
Thanks for reading!
Bec xx
