Thismorning i got up and said, "Next Month I am going to Thailand!"
Im excited and nervous all at the same time.
Im nervous about the unknown. Ive never left the country, I've never experienced a culture that is different to mine. Im also nervous about the heat. I've never traveled more than 3 hours on a plane, and I've never left the kids for 9 days before. Leaving the kids is such a huge thing for me. Ive already shed tears and it's still 7.5 weeks away! I felt re-assured last week, when i overheard Jazzy say to Malachi, "Where are mum and Dad? Have they gone on their holiday?" He didn't seem worried about the fact that we may have left... Jazzy, like we would leave without saying goodbye!!! Im telling myself that the kids will have a great time, a holiday from us!
Im also super super excited. I long to immerse myself in another culture, to see new sights, to smell new smells (even if they are bad). Im hanging out to spend quality time with Todd. Not having to worry about getting back in time for the babysitter! I cant wait to swim in the resort pool, and relax as we celebrate 10 years of marriage. We have booked 2 tours already... im so excited... im going to be snorkeling, jumping off boats into beautiful green water, canoeing through caves, riding elephants... WOOOOOO!!
Eveything is falling into place nicely. I've been trying to lose weight, so im more comfortable while we are there. So far ive lost 8 kilos. Im pleased. I want to loose another 5 (at least) before we go.
I had some needles this week, which was exciting, in a strange kind of way! Im getting light summer clothes organized, it's going to be HOT!! Now where did i put that underwater camera?? I must find it!
GUESS WHAT!!!!
I'M GOING TO THAILAND NEXT MONTH!!!!!
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
But, I need it??
Yesterday a friend posted a photo on my wall of some awesome Jars she had bought from Shiploads. They were cute, cheap and I wanted some! Oh the things I could do if i had these jars!
So this morning after school drop off I headed straight for Shiploads. I parked the car and then the unexpected happened, an inner dialogue began, and it stopped me from getting out of the car.
"Bec, you don't need these jars, what are you going to do with them?"
"I don't know, but they are cute and cheap"
"I thought you were trying to de-clutter, this is just collecting more 'stuff'."
"But they are cute and won't be available for long"
"Aren't you trying to not buy things unless they are really necessary?"
"But they are cheap, I can get 3 for under $10"
"For under $10 you can buy 6 litres of milk"
"OK!!! I wont buy them"
Talk about giving me a hard time at 9am. I drove off without the jars. In reality, they would prob sit on my shelf empty for a year and i'd eventually get rid of them cos they a cluttering up my house.
One of my favorite bloggers has made the choice to not buy anything that she doesn't NEED for a whole year! That is a huge decision hey? I couldn't do that! But it has really got me thinking. We live in such a consumerist society, we want everything we see, and everything is so accessible. BUT do we actually need all of the 'things' we acquire. I know I don't. Over the last couple of months, i have chosen not to buy anything that I dont need. I walk through the shop and see things I want, and for a moment I think, YES, I need that, that will make life easier, but then that inner voice pops up and makes me really assess why I think I need it. In every case, I've realised that i don't need it. Our homes are already cluttered with things we don't need, so why add to the collection. After i've made the choice not to purchase the item i feel good, because i've saved money, and also because I havet been sucked in by my feelings. I feel like ive made one step in reversing the you 'YOU NEED THIS' from my brainwashed mind. it is seriously liberating. My mindset is changing.
I'm not saying that i'm not going to buy anything that I want ever again, of course not, that would be extreme! But I'm saying that i'm going to think about my purchases, and not just buy things for the sake of it. I dont feel deprived, I feel excited, im being wise with my finances, and i'm not cluttering up my house. I feel like im finally taking control.
Thanks for reading
love bec xo
So this morning after school drop off I headed straight for Shiploads. I parked the car and then the unexpected happened, an inner dialogue began, and it stopped me from getting out of the car.
"Bec, you don't need these jars, what are you going to do with them?"
"I don't know, but they are cute and cheap"
"I thought you were trying to de-clutter, this is just collecting more 'stuff'."
"But they are cute and won't be available for long"
"Aren't you trying to not buy things unless they are really necessary?"
"But they are cheap, I can get 3 for under $10"
"For under $10 you can buy 6 litres of milk"
"OK!!! I wont buy them"
Talk about giving me a hard time at 9am. I drove off without the jars. In reality, they would prob sit on my shelf empty for a year and i'd eventually get rid of them cos they a cluttering up my house.
One of my favorite bloggers has made the choice to not buy anything that she doesn't NEED for a whole year! That is a huge decision hey? I couldn't do that! But it has really got me thinking. We live in such a consumerist society, we want everything we see, and everything is so accessible. BUT do we actually need all of the 'things' we acquire. I know I don't. Over the last couple of months, i have chosen not to buy anything that I dont need. I walk through the shop and see things I want, and for a moment I think, YES, I need that, that will make life easier, but then that inner voice pops up and makes me really assess why I think I need it. In every case, I've realised that i don't need it. Our homes are already cluttered with things we don't need, so why add to the collection. After i've made the choice not to purchase the item i feel good, because i've saved money, and also because I havet been sucked in by my feelings. I feel like ive made one step in reversing the you 'YOU NEED THIS' from my brainwashed mind. it is seriously liberating. My mindset is changing.
I'm not saying that i'm not going to buy anything that I want ever again, of course not, that would be extreme! But I'm saying that i'm going to think about my purchases, and not just buy things for the sake of it. I dont feel deprived, I feel excited, im being wise with my finances, and i'm not cluttering up my house. I feel like im finally taking control.
Thanks for reading
love bec xo
Sunday, February 3, 2013
SILENCE
It's really quiet. Elias is in bed.
All i can hear is me chewing my ham sandwich.
I needed this sandwich cos my head was spinning, i'm not used to crying. I was even crying in bed last night, im glad my eyes weren't too swollen when i woke up.
I woke up to Jazzy crying and telling me that he had changed his mind and wasnt going to go to school. He threw his school bag in the bin cos he wasnt going. Todd was apologising to me cos he had to go and there was nothing he could do to help. In my head, i'm secretly thinking, well you could help by saying, dont take him, let hm stay home, home-shool him. But of course, I didnt voice this! After an hour and a half of this, he settled and we went outside and took some photos of the three in their uniforms. Oh it was the cutest sight! Mattea's first dress uniform, she looks so grown up and gorgeous. She was very excited about starting prep. Although last night she did say to me, with a tear in her eye, "Mum, im not sure how im going to do it, how do I keep going EVERY day with no half days anymore." Malachi looked handsome as ever in his uniform, proudly holding his GRADE 2 sign, BLESS! So anyway, we conquered the morning before school photo without it looking like Jaz was upset :)
Once at school we first went to the Kinder room and then Jazzy wanted to come with me to drop the others off at their classes. So off we went and I totally forgot Elias, and left him playing in the Kinder room. It didn't even cross my mind that he wasn't with me. 10 minutes later when I returned to the Kinder room I was surprised to see him and was like, oh my gosh, Elias!! My mind was so distracted by Jazzy that I had totally forgotten about my baby! I mean, if i hadn't had come back and seen him in the classroom I wonder how long it would have been till I noticed he was actually not with me...I prob would have gone to the car without him! Oh dear, mother of the year award!
Jazzy didnt want me to go, I stayed for a bit and when I found myself starting to get teary I thought I better leave so that he wouldn't see me upset. He didn't like this idea and screamed and clung to me... I told his teacher to just take him cos the tears were streaming now. So she pulled him away from me and i walked out of the room without looking back. Heart Breaking. It would have been worse if he'd seen me like that! I was so embarrassed, I don't usually cry in front of people and here I am, tears streaming, in the middle of a busy corridor. The Principal sees me, and he gives me a big hug, I was trying as hard as I could not to sob! Oh gosh!
I went up outside the Prep/1 room cos i knew that's were my friends were, and the tears kept coming!
We went up to the Staff Room to 'tea and tissues'. All the sad mums could be together and have a cuppa and cry before heading home :) It was nice to sit and talk with Rach, Susan, Jess and others. Some ladies saw me and I must have looked bad or something cos they came and hugged me ;) Jazzy's teacher had made a little package for each of the Kinder kids to give their parents before they left. It contained a packet of tissues, chocolate, a calm tea bag and a bookmark. It was such a lovely idea and the tissues came in very handy.
Before I left I had a peak in through the Kinder room and i could see Jazzy happily sitting on the mat and doing actions to something... oh the relief, he was ok! HE IS OK!!!
On the way home I dropped in to see Ana and we had a cuppa. Then I dropped in too see Rach and we had a cuppa. So it has actually been a sad but happy morning.
Now im sitting here, in the quietness. Ive finished my ham sandwich and im considering what to do next. Im thinking I should really do some cleaning but i also want to do nothing, and just sit and enjoy the silence. Silence is rare. Well it has been rare, things are changing. I will enjoy it now because in a few hours they will all be home, telling me about their adventures at school.
All i can hear is me chewing my ham sandwich.
I needed this sandwich cos my head was spinning, i'm not used to crying. I was even crying in bed last night, im glad my eyes weren't too swollen when i woke up.
I woke up to Jazzy crying and telling me that he had changed his mind and wasnt going to go to school. He threw his school bag in the bin cos he wasnt going. Todd was apologising to me cos he had to go and there was nothing he could do to help. In my head, i'm secretly thinking, well you could help by saying, dont take him, let hm stay home, home-shool him. But of course, I didnt voice this! After an hour and a half of this, he settled and we went outside and took some photos of the three in their uniforms. Oh it was the cutest sight! Mattea's first dress uniform, she looks so grown up and gorgeous. She was very excited about starting prep. Although last night she did say to me, with a tear in her eye, "Mum, im not sure how im going to do it, how do I keep going EVERY day with no half days anymore." Malachi looked handsome as ever in his uniform, proudly holding his GRADE 2 sign, BLESS! So anyway, we conquered the morning before school photo without it looking like Jaz was upset :)
Once at school we first went to the Kinder room and then Jazzy wanted to come with me to drop the others off at their classes. So off we went and I totally forgot Elias, and left him playing in the Kinder room. It didn't even cross my mind that he wasn't with me. 10 minutes later when I returned to the Kinder room I was surprised to see him and was like, oh my gosh, Elias!! My mind was so distracted by Jazzy that I had totally forgotten about my baby! I mean, if i hadn't had come back and seen him in the classroom I wonder how long it would have been till I noticed he was actually not with me...I prob would have gone to the car without him! Oh dear, mother of the year award!
Jazzy didnt want me to go, I stayed for a bit and when I found myself starting to get teary I thought I better leave so that he wouldn't see me upset. He didn't like this idea and screamed and clung to me... I told his teacher to just take him cos the tears were streaming now. So she pulled him away from me and i walked out of the room without looking back. Heart Breaking. It would have been worse if he'd seen me like that! I was so embarrassed, I don't usually cry in front of people and here I am, tears streaming, in the middle of a busy corridor. The Principal sees me, and he gives me a big hug, I was trying as hard as I could not to sob! Oh gosh!
I went up outside the Prep/1 room cos i knew that's were my friends were, and the tears kept coming!
We went up to the Staff Room to 'tea and tissues'. All the sad mums could be together and have a cuppa and cry before heading home :) It was nice to sit and talk with Rach, Susan, Jess and others. Some ladies saw me and I must have looked bad or something cos they came and hugged me ;) Jazzy's teacher had made a little package for each of the Kinder kids to give their parents before they left. It contained a packet of tissues, chocolate, a calm tea bag and a bookmark. It was such a lovely idea and the tissues came in very handy.
Before I left I had a peak in through the Kinder room and i could see Jazzy happily sitting on the mat and doing actions to something... oh the relief, he was ok! HE IS OK!!!
On the way home I dropped in to see Ana and we had a cuppa. Then I dropped in too see Rach and we had a cuppa. So it has actually been a sad but happy morning.
Now im sitting here, in the quietness. Ive finished my ham sandwich and im considering what to do next. Im thinking I should really do some cleaning but i also want to do nothing, and just sit and enjoy the silence. Silence is rare. Well it has been rare, things are changing. I will enjoy it now because in a few hours they will all be home, telling me about their adventures at school.
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
FAT BUSTING!
In 12.5 weeks Toddy and i are leaving the kids with our parents, and heading off to celebrate our 10th wedding anniversary in Thailand! *scream yay oh my goodness* Ive never left Australia before so im very very excited to see some new sites and experience a different culture. Ive got the passport papers filled in, have had the photo taken ( I think I look like the lion form the wizard of Oz in it), and i'm off to the Post Office with it all in the morning! It's all becoming VERY real :)
Our trip has been booked for months and months and Id been meaning to lose a bit of weight before we went, you know, just 20 kilos, no big deal... ha well as always i leave everything to the last minute, so now i have 12.5 weeks to work hard and lose as much as I can. I know that 20 kilos isn't going to happen, but every kilo counts. I dont want to feel unfit and like a beached whale while I am there. I want to feel confident and not ashamed of how I look.
Im using My Fitness Pal and really loving it... the scales are starting to move. Im really determined and working hard, and im going to see results. I want to shock everyone ;) While I work out I imagine myself lying by the pool at our resort, and canoeing through caves in Phang Nga Bay. This incentive really helps!
So stay tuned friends! I'll let you know the outcome. Some encouragement along the way will be awesome too.
Love Bec
Our trip has been booked for months and months and Id been meaning to lose a bit of weight before we went, you know, just 20 kilos, no big deal... ha well as always i leave everything to the last minute, so now i have 12.5 weeks to work hard and lose as much as I can. I know that 20 kilos isn't going to happen, but every kilo counts. I dont want to feel unfit and like a beached whale while I am there. I want to feel confident and not ashamed of how I look.
Im using My Fitness Pal and really loving it... the scales are starting to move. Im really determined and working hard, and im going to see results. I want to shock everyone ;) While I work out I imagine myself lying by the pool at our resort, and canoeing through caves in Phang Nga Bay. This incentive really helps!
So stay tuned friends! I'll let you know the outcome. Some encouragement along the way will be awesome too.
Love Bec
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Dear Blog... a truthful moment.
Dear blog,
Im feeling very out of control of everything around me... children and house.
My children seem to be wild monsters making mess with every step they take. I feel like im constantly saying, "pick that up, don't hit, don't yell at your brother, stop running, shhhhh, put your rubbish in the bin, get back into bed (im saying that right now)..." It just goes on all day and it's hard work. We are meant to train our children, and i seriously feel like I have got nowhere. I feel that if i had somehow trained them more efficiently, then things would be so much easier now. Maybe then we would have more order and peace, instead of the constant fighting, arguing, yelling and mess. I sometimes just want to scream... AAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH... but i guess I only have myself to blame.
Train your children- It sounds so straight forward in theory, but when has raising children been straight forward. I know I need to be more consistent, set more boundaries, use positive reinforcement, set consequences, yell less (shh that's a secret between the neighbors and me), I KNOW ALL OF THIS and still I struggle. I will try harder. My resolution is to try harder and restore order and peace to the household! My children will behave, my children will turn out brilliantly.
Im sitting here typing surrounded by duplo, shoes, pillows, clothes, toys, pencils, pegs, clean washing, dirty dishes etc etc ! It is not pleasant. To clean it up almost seems like an impossible task. (it's not of course). I am lazy, I am sitting here typing and not cleaning. For me typing or writing is my way of processing how im feeling... writing to me is liberating and it is how I come up with solutions. I don't talk, I write. Writing clears my head. The reason I am writing this blog is so that I can clear my head enough for me to be able to get to the place where i can face the mess... and also to let others, who may be fed up with the kids and mess, know that they are not alone :)
Im going to try harder to train my children so that I can get them and my house under control. Please ask me how im going from time to time. We all need encouragement, especially me.
Thanks for reading
Love Bec xox
Im feeling very out of control of everything around me... children and house.
My children seem to be wild monsters making mess with every step they take. I feel like im constantly saying, "pick that up, don't hit, don't yell at your brother, stop running, shhhhh, put your rubbish in the bin, get back into bed (im saying that right now)..." It just goes on all day and it's hard work. We are meant to train our children, and i seriously feel like I have got nowhere. I feel that if i had somehow trained them more efficiently, then things would be so much easier now. Maybe then we would have more order and peace, instead of the constant fighting, arguing, yelling and mess. I sometimes just want to scream... AAAAGHHHHHHHHHHH... but i guess I only have myself to blame.
Train your children- It sounds so straight forward in theory, but when has raising children been straight forward. I know I need to be more consistent, set more boundaries, use positive reinforcement, set consequences, yell less (shh that's a secret between the neighbors and me), I KNOW ALL OF THIS and still I struggle. I will try harder. My resolution is to try harder and restore order and peace to the household! My children will behave, my children will turn out brilliantly.
Im sitting here typing surrounded by duplo, shoes, pillows, clothes, toys, pencils, pegs, clean washing, dirty dishes etc etc ! It is not pleasant. To clean it up almost seems like an impossible task. (it's not of course). I am lazy, I am sitting here typing and not cleaning. For me typing or writing is my way of processing how im feeling... writing to me is liberating and it is how I come up with solutions. I don't talk, I write. Writing clears my head. The reason I am writing this blog is so that I can clear my head enough for me to be able to get to the place where i can face the mess... and also to let others, who may be fed up with the kids and mess, know that they are not alone :)
Im going to try harder to train my children so that I can get them and my house under control. Please ask me how im going from time to time. We all need encouragement, especially me.
Thanks for reading
Love Bec xox
Friday, January 11, 2013
A Sweet Sound
Im sitting here alone in my house, listening to the bang bang of Todd hammering the laundry roof outside. This is the sound of home improvements but for me it is also a sweet sound, the sound of health and a miracle.
This last week Todd has painted the eaves of our house, we've had 2 families over for meals, he worship lead, and we spent a whole day wandering around town. This is amazing. Usually after just one of these activities his head would play up and he'd be on the couch for a day recovering. Not only this but we've just had Christmas, and traveling up North plus all the Christmas festivities would usually have him on the couch for a week recovering. It is a miracle! I haven't seen my couch so empty in years, it must be having Toddy withdrawals ;) I remember Chi's news book in Kinder, nearly every page was about daddy laying on the couch watching tv, haha, I wonder what the teacher thought!
Yesterday Todd said he is starting to feel like himself again and you have no idea how happy this makes me. I hate seeing him in pain and frustrated cos he cant do what he wants. And we now have HOPE that he may indeed be able to do what he wants, and not be trapped inside the brain injured body, that has held him prisoner for the last 4.5 years.
He really is a different person. He has been happy and joking around. I had totally forgotten what he was like. Im remembering his strange sense of humor, and getting used to it all over again :) I have laughed so much over the last couple of months, it's great!!
Im so happy but deep down im scared, scared that tomorrow or next week we will wake up and he will be sick, and things are back to how they were. I'm scared that i'll have to mourn the loss of my active, happy, joking, best friend, once again. Someone told me to just enjoy today and make the most of the healthy times, and that's what im doing! I'm really trusting in God to continue healing him and i'm just so thankful to God for what He has done so far, it has changed our lives completely and we are feeling so, so blessed! Thankyou everyone who has been praying for us over the last 4 years, we love you. His health is a total answer to prayer, where the Doctors have no answers or solutions, God has health and Victory!!! Thankyou friends and thankyou Jesus!!!
... bang bang, i can still here that hammering... what a sweet, sweet sound.
This last week Todd has painted the eaves of our house, we've had 2 families over for meals, he worship lead, and we spent a whole day wandering around town. This is amazing. Usually after just one of these activities his head would play up and he'd be on the couch for a day recovering. Not only this but we've just had Christmas, and traveling up North plus all the Christmas festivities would usually have him on the couch for a week recovering. It is a miracle! I haven't seen my couch so empty in years, it must be having Toddy withdrawals ;) I remember Chi's news book in Kinder, nearly every page was about daddy laying on the couch watching tv, haha, I wonder what the teacher thought!
Yesterday Todd said he is starting to feel like himself again and you have no idea how happy this makes me. I hate seeing him in pain and frustrated cos he cant do what he wants. And we now have HOPE that he may indeed be able to do what he wants, and not be trapped inside the brain injured body, that has held him prisoner for the last 4.5 years.
He really is a different person. He has been happy and joking around. I had totally forgotten what he was like. Im remembering his strange sense of humor, and getting used to it all over again :) I have laughed so much over the last couple of months, it's great!!
Im so happy but deep down im scared, scared that tomorrow or next week we will wake up and he will be sick, and things are back to how they were. I'm scared that i'll have to mourn the loss of my active, happy, joking, best friend, once again. Someone told me to just enjoy today and make the most of the healthy times, and that's what im doing! I'm really trusting in God to continue healing him and i'm just so thankful to God for what He has done so far, it has changed our lives completely and we are feeling so, so blessed! Thankyou everyone who has been praying for us over the last 4 years, we love you. His health is a total answer to prayer, where the Doctors have no answers or solutions, God has health and Victory!!! Thankyou friends and thankyou Jesus!!!
... bang bang, i can still here that hammering... what a sweet, sweet sound.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Barker Christmas Video 2012
MERRY CHRISTMAS LOVELY FRIENDS!
As mentioned in my Christmas traditions blog post last year, here is our Christmas video for 2012.
It was lots of fun to make, and is really silly!
WARNING: Contains a suspicious looking man in red Lycra, and a Mummy kissing Santa Clause.
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