On your 4th birthday

10 Things I Love About Elias

Im sitting here thinking about what to write about Elias and i just want to cry. 

He is so very precious to me. He is my 4th baby and without him I didn't feel complete.

 

1. Elias, I love the way you want cuddles, all the time. You come to me and say, "Cuddles on the couch". One cuddle isn't enough for you, you want to snuggle on the couch, you want my undivided attention. Once you have me sitting and relaxed you go to the bookshelf and bring over a book for me to read to you, then another and another... seriously,  if you had your way we would just snuggle and read books all day. I love you my cuddly, snugly boy.

2.  Elias, I love the way you dance and groove to music along with your older siblings. You are just way too cool. You dramatically mimic the words to all the songs and have the happiest look on your face. Keep grooving my dear boy!

3. Elias, I love how you love to look at photos, especially of yourself (So my child)! You daily look through the photos on my phone, and will show them to anyone who will take the time to look. You laugh, and describe whats going on. It warms my heart.

4. Elias, I love how you get up in the morning and say, " I want some lunch." I correct you and say breakfast, but you still say lunch every morning. Just now you asked for lunch when we were serving up tea.

5. Elias, I love the way you can sit at my computer for ages and watch play dough YouTube clips. You absolutely love them, I don't understand why, but hey, it gives me time to get the housework done :) You absolutely love play dough and play with it everyday!

6. Elias, every time you paint and draw, or write on a foggy window, you write a big E . You are so proud of your E's. Recently you've started writing an l next to it. You'll be writing your whole name before you know it. I love it! E is your trademark.

7. Elias. I love it how you play schools with your older siblings. They find work for you and set you up a work area. Mattea makes a chart and puts a sticker on it when you've finished your task. You love the attention,  you are clever and smart.

8. Elias, I love that you have FINALLY started sleeping through... most nights anyway. A couple of times a week you still wake up crying and when you see me walk through the doorway you say, "Cup of Milk". I get one, you drink it, and you go straight back to sleep. Im back in bed within 2 minutes. Thankyou Elias for letting me get some sleep. I love sleep.

9. Elias, I love that your dad has brainwashed you into responding to the name Giovanni. Your dad loves to tease you and you love to tease him back. He has also brainwashed you into sometimes calling your teddy, who you call teddy, Bruce! The other day I asked you if your name was Bruce, and you said, "No, teddy is Bruce" I love your sense of humor E.

10.  Elias, I love how excited you are about your party tomorrow. I have never seen you so excited about something before. It is a Minion Party and you LOVE the minions!! You keep talking to me about party hats, party bags and all the lollies that are going to be at your party. I want this party to be amazing because it's the first time you have ever been excited about you birthday. Last year we told you it was your birthday and you told us that it wasn't! I want you to love every minute. I want it to be perfect, just for you.

Elias, no words can describe my love for you.  I'm so glad I have this year at home with just you. It is going to be so special. Your little voice, your little hand in mine, your little feet you like me to tickle... I want to treasure every moment.

HAPPY 4TH BIRTHDAY MY BEAUTIFUL LITTLE BOY.

School's Back

And just like that, school has gone back.
Jazzy had an amazing idea last night: "How bout we go to school for one year and then stay home for one year..."  Amazing idea but I dont think it would go down to well :)
Mattea also had an idea last night, " How bout I stay home, wear my trackies and snuggle on the couch all day." I didnt think that would go down too well either!

Although they had these amazing ideas I think they were very pleased to be going back and seeing their friends again. Jazzy was so nervous I had to force him to eat breakfast. This is a child who  usually eats 6 pieces of toast!

It was harder than I thought letting Chi go. I'm tearing up now just thinking about it. He was so brave, I knew he was nervous but he was trying not to show it.

He looks so much bigger in his uniform this time. My how he blossomed in that one year.
Im so nervous, I do not want his confidence shattered... we worked so hard trying to build it up. We bulldozed through the walls he had built around him when he wasn't coping in class. We got past the meltdowns and started to achieve... a little...we had to do so much foundational work to get him to this  place. My hope is that this will continue and that going back to school is a positive thing. Please keep him in your prayers. Im so thankful for the year I had at home with him. He went from a sad, little boy to a bright eyed, confident boy.

Now it is just Elias and I at home. A whole new world! Ive got so much I want to do this year that my head is in a blur and I don't know where to start! It's time to write lists !!!!!! The world makes more sense with lists!

Thanks for reading, Its definitely cup of tea time for me

Love Bec xxx

2014 statuses- Jan to May :)

2014 in the life of bec barker...

January

1st: The best is yet to come.

1st: Must be time for some hot cross buns ;)

1st: If you're going to fight like animals you can go outside and live, like the animals.

      Things you find yourself saying!
                                
4th: Just had way too much fun at Birchalls

10th: Lying in bed thinking about how much I love my life, my God, my kids and my people.          
 Now it  must be time to get up and have a cup of tea.
.13th: We just pulled into the caravan park and Jaz isn't impressed. He thought we were camping "in the wild"

16th: The world is a brighter place after a 10min hot shower.

17th: Home from camping. I have already had a nap on the couch.

18th: I need a holiday
 
19th: Blessed are those who dwell in His house.

19th: HOTSPOTS parents, don't forget to bring a spare pair of clothes for your kids... it's wet and gooey week

20th: Todd's gone to school... I get to have the tennis on :0)

21st: There is a reason I am not writing the story and God is. He knows how it all works out, where it all leads, what it all means.
 

25th: Honk if you're happy!

26th: Today I am thankful for this country. Thankful that we are free to gather together and worship God. People, don't take this for granted.

26th: I think I should get some running shoes like Nadal's.

 February

2nd: Night church. Seriously nothing better than worshipping God. YOU are God in the Highest!

3rd: I just got out all of my teaching resources form my teaching days, im currently in resource heaven.... looking forward to starting schooling Chi on Wednesday

 4th: I just put Jazzy in his school uniform... oh my heart, how beautiful!!

5th: Term 1! Let's do this!

5th: Homeschooling for 10 mins and Chi says, "I struggled with this but now you have explained it properly.

5th: Im being dedicated and going to the school dedication service...

6th: It was my 2 year old throwing a tantrum in Big W cos he wanted a skateboard...

6th: I need to lay down. The end.

9th: So the best is yet to come. I can't wait.

9th: The kids are doing shows for old Nan and then asking for money at the end. It worked the first time... Not sure it will work again kids.

9th: The weather is wild! Todd is out trying to stop the fence from blowing over.

9th: A man has been killed near the Margate train cos a tree fell on his car. Sad. That wind was crazy.

11th: This time 3 years ago I was climbing into Todd's ute and heading to the hospital to have a baby. We just made it to the hospital with 20mins to spare before out he popped HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELIAS SHEM xxx

14th: cup of tea come to me...

14th: God help me...

20th: The art of staying calm. Really I want to throw the child across the room. I won't.

26th: In the last fortnight our 2 DVD players and our T-Box have all stopped working... what is this telling me?

26th: I'm going to get on the floor and do some sit ups right now, I really am... In a minute...

27th Without God, everything would feel so hopeless.



March

2nd: "Don't run around like wild animals, you are not animals, you are children"

3rd: Having a drink at The Beach with my sister, so nice to have her here. Don't leave Liv!!!

7th: I cleaned out and vacuumed the car without even a hint from Todd to do it... im in shock!
11th: Sometimes getting out of bed feels evil.

13th: Im doing my usual thing and watching Colour Conf backstage... one day I will get there!!!

14th: I just told Todd that I registered for Colour Conf 2015... he took it quite well!! Mum has registered too... anyone else ??

16th: My ear is throbbing, my throat is throbbing... I'm on communion today. God, help me!!

16th: Cos I'm haappyyyyyyyy

16th: Don't procrastinate when it comes to God!!! Dont wait till tomorrow!

16th: We had a great youth service tonight. I love the young people. I love God's presence. I love the young people in God's presence. I love diving for lollies at the front with the young peeps too... THE BEST IS YET TO COME!

18th: Ive been reading Acts thismorning, those early disciples were fully giving everything to see people surrender their lives to Jesus. I want to be more like them!!!!!!

24th: We went to the parents for tea. I walked in and Ana was sitting there smiling at me... I burst into tears! I wasn't hallucinating, she was really there! Im so happy.

25th: Happiness is an emotion, Joy is deeper. I must fight for my joy. I must open my heart to wonder and beauty and always find a reason to rejoice.

25th: The kid's night light in the hallway wasn't plugged in. I had to get up and plug it in... I dont think I can sleep without it!!

26th: There is a $2 coin sitting in the bottom of the washing machine. The only problem is that there is a big scorpion sitting right next to it.

27th: Last Man standing Todd Barker and Matthew Stossich.

27th: Todd turned all the lights off and went to bed. I'm sitting here on the couch in the dark. I suppose it must bedtime.

28th: God sees the big picture. He is in control. Amen.

29th: Oh my goodness.

30th: It's Sunday, let's do this. KFC peeps let's go and praise God, despite whatever is going on He deserves the Highest praise!! His mercies are new every morning. Love you all xxx

31st: exhausted, physically, emotionally... just exhausted. Dreaming of a holiday !!

April

1st: Sitting here at gymnastics and there is a little baby next to me. I want it. I've never thought about kidnaping before...

5th: Tomorrow the Lovely Leeza is preaching, her first Sunday morning sermon!! Let's all be there and support her. See you soon!!! Xxx

6th: Church Day!! Im so excited. I love to go and worship God!!

6th: At church: so far I've swept up hundreds of bugs, removed lots of cigarette butts from the front steps, searched for song words for the singers folders, scootered around the auditorium on the crèche scooter... And there is still over and hour till the service starts love it!!

6th: I'm getting lots of practice at giving my anger over to God lately... I have to let it go or it will eat me up and make me bitter!

7th: What a teary season final of Love Child. Brilliant.

8th: paper mache Greek vases.... that's what is on my mind.

8th: I will not fail you or abandon you. Joshua 1:5

8th: At gymnastics again... If I reach out my hand I could touch that baby...

9th: So many feelings and emotions flowing through me right now

11th: I dont like driving down the road and realizing I forgot to put my false tooth in

11th: papier mache vases, what have i got myself into!!

11th: Tomorrows bec is going to hate me cos I didnt clean the kitchen tonight.

12th: Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life. Surely, not maybe, but SURELY!

12th: heartbroken

13th: This last week I have cried more tears than ever before. I have experienced more anger than ever before. I have felt injustice and betrayal. It has been a tough week and I want to thank those who have inboxed me and shown me love. Means so much. Love you xx

13th: So anyway, last night I had the most random dream. I dreamt I was babysitting for the man who lives next door to church and complains about the sound all the time.

14th: The Bible. Dont brush over the words. Ponder them. Meditate. Understand them. let the truths sink deep into your being. They will change you, bit by bit. it is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

15th:It's a sitting on the couch eating noodles kinda day.

15th: Ive got some lovely friends! I got some flowers yesterday, today too!! THANKYOU THANKYOU!!

16th: I never did show and tell at school... I was way tooooooo shy...Im making up for it now on Facebook

20th: The kids just led us in an Easter service. It was beautiful. Todd pulled out his guitar and played along xx

26th: Happy 11th Wedding Anniversary to Toddy and I. I love us.

28th: I'm in bed. Just rang the home phone from my mobile and asked chi to make me a cup of tea.

28th: The kids are outside writing songs for the chicken cos they think it is dying...I hear "Goodbye, Oh I love you, I love you". It isn't dying... just resting in the sun.

29th: I think the kids may have been onto something when they were writing a song for the dying chicken... it's not dead but it's not seeming healthy at all!

May

1st: Oh what a beautiful morning, Oh what a beautiful day!

4th: Once these kids are in bed it's milo and marshmallow time. Hurry up kids

5th: What a blessed life I have. I get to stay home and teach my child. So grateful.

5th: It's called being flexible to combat the meltdowns.

5th: Be the first to love, be the first to be generous, be the first to serve.

6th: I will not eat junk food, I will not eat junk food, I will not eat junk food, I will not eat junk food, I will not eat junk food...

7th: Sometimes I just see someone and I know that we are meant to be friends... something within me just knows... even when i haven't met them yet.

8th: Seems like im going to be without computer for a while... my computer seriously died. This is not good. I miss my music, and my photo edit

8th: Apple are sending me a replacement computer!!!!!!

10th: Happy Birthday to my Dad, Leo Stossich! I wouldn't be who I am today without your direction and love. Also happy graduation day!!! I can now call you Dr Leo!!

15th: I love it when I look at my child and I see one of my expressions on their face.

17th: We need a bigger house. The end.

17th: When I start to feel that life is unfair...I start worshiping God. My focus shifts from me to God and His greatness... and suddenly everything is ok.

20th: It seems that all of my photos before last year have vanished without a trace. For a photo person like me, that really sucks. I'm glad I got some printed every so often.

20th: The photos in my albums are suddenly very precious.

21st: At woollies. Forgot to get my bags out of the car again.

21st: BEC BARKER step away from the pizza!!!

23rd: 20 mins until my THEAC visit... trying to remain cool, calm and confident.

23rd: THEAC visit done! If only I had a block of chocolate to eat to celebrate!!

25th: If you don't have a church to call home then come along to the Menzies Center, Campbell St Hobart ,10:30. We are waiting to welcome you !!

25th: My parents are home from China... I can't wait to see them tomorrow!!!

26th: Winter Spice tea, mmmmm

27th: Only throw the stone if you are perfect!!

27th: Sometimes you just have to stop everything and turn up the music

THANKS FOR READING
love bec

 

Changes

So things are changing this year.
Todd is going back to full time work after 6 years part time. He feels it's time, so he is stepping out, and we are trusting  that it will all work out with his silly head troubles. Ive been so lucky to have him home with me every Wednesday and im going to miss this big time! No more Wednesday breakfasts!! Im trying to be a very supportive wife... trying.

So Todd has said that I have to take up the cooking responsibility. Ive also been lucky enough to have a husband who has cooked for most of our 12 years of marriage. So for me, this is a huge thing. Im going to be like one of those normal wives who have to cook... flip! So i've done my freaking out and now Im determined to become an amazing cook. Everyone is going to be hanging out for an invitation to my place to eat MY food :) This does sound hilarious as I am very clumsy in the kitchen and nothing ever seems to work for me. Earlier on in our marriage we had a chef  live with us for a year, and i can still hear her saying to me, "Im sorry Bec, but there is no way I would ever hire you as a kitchen hand." Hmmmm, it will be a challenge but I can only get better!!

Tonight was my first night. It worked out amazingly, Malachi cooked a BBQ for me ;) I did make the salad of course. Hehehe one night down! Todd got home from work and stood in the kitchen and then said, "I dont need to be in here," and walked out. He then stood in the dining room looking very lost. I assured him that he was very welcome to go back into the kitchen and start cooking, but he wouldn't, not even to make the salad! The good news is that he is still going to be cooking Friday night pizza! YAY I get Friday night off... I love Friday's already!! So if you ever feel the urge to cook me a meal and bring it over feel free.... just kidding ofcourse, but seriously...

So im sure I will blog some of my cooking disasters and some of my cooking successes.
Stay Tuned.

Love Bec xxx

Mess and Chaos- Motherhood!

Im having one of those days. One of those days where things just wont clean.
Where a child goes outside for 2 minutes and returns covered in mud, after throwing mud at his sister and her friend. One of those days where you take the child into the bathroom to clean them up and see how disgustingly messy the bathroom is, and sneak in a prayer that no-one will visit today. You overhear the above mentioned friend say, as they walk into your children's bedroom, "Don't you ever have to clean your room?" Cringe. I blame that there are 4 kids in one room and too much stuff to keep clean... but hey, at least I folded the washing thismorning!!

As I type one child is throwing stuff at another, and one just spilt milk all over the carpet. It doesnt end... the mess and the chaos just goes on and on... it's my fault. Im the one who had 4 kids right? ha.

SHUT THE FLYSCREEN!!! DONT THROW THINGS AT THE KIDS NEXT DOOR!!


Sometimes I lose it, and yell. After this, the next time I have to hang the washing on the line I hope I don't see the neighbors. Why do they build houses so close??I feel like the worst parent around. BUT Sometimes my kids are angels and I think, wow, what a good parent I am! What awesome little people I have... yay for my kids :)

Motherhood is full of ups and downs. Full of moments of despair and moments of pure joy, and these moments can occur right after each other... it seriously plays with your mind!!! My kids are watching our wedding video and I just heard Jaz say to Elias, "See that white thing? That's Mum!" When I hear them say cute things my heart leaps for joy. What a blessing children are. However, they have their dirty legs and feet all over the couch...

I think it is the best job ever. I love it.
And I feel better after writing, thankyou writing you therapeutic thing.

"Mum, Mum!!"
Im coming.

love Bec x

Barker Christmas 2014

NOt happy!!

Sometimes I have to write, simply because it's the way I process things, and it is liberating...

Sunday night, 1 week of term to go.
I should be so excited about this and Christmas, just weeks away... but im not. Im trying to be... but my head is in a fog... that I just cant lift. I'm a mess. I am putting it down to tiredness, although I feel like I do nothing compared to so many people all around me. Tiredness really seems like a lame excuse.
 I want to be happy and I get so sick of trying to act happy and like everything is ok... that I fit in... but Im really not happy. I keep telling myself to breathe and everything will be ok... but will it? Im questioning everything in my life, apart form my relationship with God and family. What is next for me? For us? Why did this heart-breaking year have to happen. My heart really did break... and I haven't felt the same again. I have felt like a wanderer, wandering through life, just filling in time, waiting for something... something... something... waiting for the world to make sense again.

A new year is approaching.... I want it to be a great year so badly. I want to feel like I have a purpose again. I want to feel peaceful. I want the grieving to end. I want to heal.  I want to feel normal. I want to find out what my passions are. I want everything to make sense again.

2015. The year that everything made sense again.
I'll leave you with my fave recent picture of me
Pray for me... I need it!!

Bec xxx