Sunday, December 7, 2014

NOt happy!!

Sometimes I have to write, simply because it's the way I process things, and it is liberating...

Sunday night, 1 week of term to go.
I should be so excited about this and Christmas, just weeks away... but im not. Im trying to be... but my head is in a fog... that I just cant lift. I'm a mess. I am putting it down to tiredness, although I feel like I do nothing compared to so many people all around me. Tiredness really seems like a lame excuse.
 I want to be happy and I get so sick of trying to act happy and like everything is ok... that I fit in... but Im really not happy. I keep telling myself to breathe and everything will be ok... but will it? Im questioning everything in my life, apart form my relationship with God and family. What is next for me? For us? Why did this heart-breaking year have to happen. My heart really did break... and I haven't felt the same again. I have felt like a wanderer, wandering through life, just filling in time, waiting for something... something... something... waiting for the world to make sense again.

A new year is approaching.... I want it to be a great year so badly. I want to feel like I have a purpose again. I want to feel peaceful. I want the grieving to end. I want to heal.  I want to feel normal. I want to find out what my passions are. I want everything to make sense again.

2015. The year that everything made sense again.
I'll leave you with my fave recent picture of me
Pray for me... I need it!!

Bec xxx