THE HAVE DEFINITELY GROWN!
Next year there will be 4 in the picture. What? NO! YES!
It has been a good year. It didnt look exactly how I had imagined it...
Firstly we left Hillsong Hobart, I didnt see that coming. What a great church. It was the perfect place for us to serve, as we got through one of the hardest years of our lives. We made some lovely friends, and have amazing memories from our time there.
Secondly, we sold our house and bought another! This was definitely not on the cards! I still cant believe that it actually happened. Not something I want to go through again in a LONG time! I haven't cleaned since, now we just live feral.
So much can happen in a year.
I wonder what 2016 will bring. Something I totally don't expect, if the last few years are any indication ;) I know for the first part of the year we are moving in with my parents, so that will very different!!! And im totally excited about moving into our new house a little later on...
Elias starts Kinder so that is going to be a huge adjustment too... i'll probably just spend the first month crying, I do alot of that these days. I'm a true Barker girl now ;0)
WHO KNOWS WHAT IS IN STORE FOR ME!!!
BUT for now, holidays have just begun. Jaz is sitting on the couch finger knitting, Chi is making everyone a hot chocolate and Taya is chilled out on the couch watching tv. Time to relax... before we get serious about packing. 1 month today till this house settles.
Its about 10 minutes after I've tucked them into bed and said their prayers that the tears start. Enough time for them to settle and their little minds to start thinking. Jazzy walks out looking heartbroken, "I don't want to move. This is the only house I've ever known, I've lived here all my life. Why didn't you buy a bigger house in the first place anyway?" We cuddle and I assure him that everything is going to be OK.
Mattea comes out crying, "I'm scared I'll leave something here" I assure her all drawers and cupboards will be empty and nothing will be left behind. We cuddle on the couch and the tears eventually stop.
We are walking through the supermarket and Elias says to me, " I don't want to move. I like our house."I scoop him up and hold him close.
My little people are struggling with the idea of moving house. It's their first move. They must be sentimental like me. I still feel a hint of sadness when I drive past houses I lived in as a child. I must admit, the idea of leaving my home of the last 12.5 years is tugging at my heart strings too. This basic, weatherboard house has been our home, a loving, happy home. So many memories here and it will always hold a special place in my heart. Fond, fond memories.
I'm dreading the moment we shut the door behind us and never return. But also excited for our next house, wherever that might be!
As I was cooking tea tonight I was wishing that vegetables tasted nicer. It would make them so much easier to eat. I try so hard to like them but I just don't! I just chew them round and round, then swallow them as quick as I can. I don't enjoy a moment of it. "Eat your vegetables kids" I say. I wish they tasted better.
Elias has been crying and heartbroken for the last hour. The Octonouts watch he got today, broke. He is so sad. I just sat at the table and cried with him. I couldn't help it. I just feel so sad for him. It would have been such a moving photo. Both of us sitting there with tears streaming down our faces. Where is a photographer when you need one??
Im at that point where I need a break. I was thinking about disappearing.
Todd might end up on that missing person show because his wife has just vanished into thin air. He will be on tv crying and telling me that if i'm watching I need to contact him, and let him know Im ok. He will tell me he needs me and loves me. It will be heartbreaking. There will shots of my poor abandoned children, looking sad cos they miss their mum. The viewers will be tweeting #heartbreaking #selfish woman #those poor poor children. Meanwhile I will have taken up a new identity in another country. My poor family, my poor parents. It's all a bit much really when I think about it this way. I think I might re-consider.
Todd has gone out to a meeting. I cried when he left. I mean all we'd do if he was here was sit on the couch and watch a TV show. Id probably end up falling asleep and then be rudely woken by my snoring. I didn't want him to leave me here alone with them. They scare me. They are loud and fierce. They don't like to listen to me. I do love my kids. I mean just a minute ago they called me in to watch them jump from the top bunk and land on their bellies on a mattress on the floor. They called it 'The Bellyflop." I can report that there were no casualties. Ive now told them to go to bed...
This is the part of the night where I begin to lose it. Freedom is so close, so close, I can almost reach out and touch it... but not quite. My patience wears very thin, as the minutes tick away and they don't settle down. I like my evenings. My child free time. They are precious. They are VITAL.
GO TO SLEEP!!
This blog is a blog about nothing. Just my evening and my random thoughts.
It's me. I must go and pray with the kids... wish me luck as I embark on my journey into freedom ;)
This morning I was happily sitting in the sun, sipping my tea and thinking about life when suddenly the thought, 'life sucks' dropped into my head. It just snuck up on me, like the kids do when I have chocolate, and I found myself responding by agreeing and thinking of all the reasons why life sucks. It went something like this: Todd was sick all holidays and has gone back to work sick, that's not fair... how on earth do I keep this house clean for the 2 open homes on the weekend... its not like we will ever find a house to move into anyway.... why on earth did Todd say we need to get the house on the market already... why cant he have patience... now he is sick... grrrrrr far out Todd... I cant live like this... so and so didn't like my photo of Instagram, they mustn't like me anymore... It's cos im fat... id have more friends if I was skinny...why am I so fat... waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...
WAIT WHAT?? Im just innocently sitting here enjoying the sun and my tea and wham... life suddenly sucks! Ridiculous!!! One little negative thought planted itself in my mind, then grew and grew suddenly changing my whole outlook on the day and the 'oh so horrible life' that im living. CRAZY CRAZY!! Does this happen to you too??
I really need to take control of these thoughts that pop into my head and not let them ruin my day and turn me into a negative person. I need to reject them before the set root in my mind. I want my thoughts to be Godly and uplifting. I want my thoughts to set me up to succeed in life, to have positive relationships and a positive outlook. I want my face to be radiant, not sad looking cos my negative thoughts are eating me up on the inside. I want positive confessions to come out of my mouth!! You see, my life really doesn't suck! I have an amazing husband, 4 kids, a house... i'm living the dream! I have an amazing God who loves me and cares for every detail of my life. My life is good.
I could go on and on but I wont. You get the idea.
I started writing this blog with no idea what I was going to write about and this all came out...
Amazing! I feel alot more positive now. The sun is shining again on the outside and the inside.
Time for another cuppa