Thursday, February 28, 2013

Thailand... NEXT MONTH!!!!!

Thismorning i got up and said, "Next Month I am going to Thailand!"

Im excited and nervous all at the same time.
Im nervous about the unknown. Ive never left the country, I've never experienced a culture that is different to mine. Im also nervous about the heat. I've never traveled more than 3 hours on a plane, and I've never left the kids for 9 days before. Leaving the kids is such a huge thing for me. Ive already shed tears and it's still 7.5 weeks away! I felt re-assured last week, when i overheard Jazzy say to Malachi, "Where are mum and Dad? Have they gone on their holiday?" He didn't seem worried about the fact that we may have left... Jazzy, like we would leave without saying goodbye!!! Im telling myself that the kids will have a great time, a holiday from us!

Im also super super excited. I long to immerse myself in another culture, to see new sights, to smell new smells (even if they are bad). Im hanging out to spend quality time with Todd. Not having to worry about getting back in time for the babysitter! I cant wait to swim in the resort pool, and relax as we celebrate 10 years of marriage. We have booked 2 tours already... im so excited... im going to be snorkeling, jumping off boats into beautiful green water, canoeing through caves, riding elephants... WOOOOOO!!

Eveything is falling into place nicely. I've been trying to lose weight, so im more comfortable while we are there. So far ive lost 8 kilos. Im pleased. I want to loose another 5 (at least) before we go.
I had some needles this week, which was exciting, in a strange kind of way! Im getting light summer clothes organized, it's going to be HOT!! Now where did i put that underwater camera?? I must find it!



Tuesday, February 26, 2013

But, I need it??

Yesterday a friend posted a photo on my wall of some awesome Jars she had bought from Shiploads. They were cute, cheap and I wanted some! Oh the things I could do if i had these jars!
So this morning after school drop off I headed straight for Shiploads. I parked the car and then the unexpected happened, an inner dialogue began, and it stopped me from getting out of the car.

"Bec, you don't need these jars, what are you going to do with them?"
"I don't know, but they are cute and cheap"
"I thought you were trying to de-clutter, this is just collecting more 'stuff'."
"But they are cute and won't be available for long"
"Aren't you trying to not buy things unless they are really necessary?"
"But they are cheap, I can get 3 for under $10"
"For under $10 you can buy 6 litres of milk"
 "OK!!! I wont buy them"

Talk about giving me a hard time at 9am.  I drove off without the jars. In reality, they would prob sit on my shelf empty for a year and i'd eventually get rid of them cos they a cluttering up my house.

One of my favorite bloggers has made the choice to not buy anything that she doesn't NEED for a whole year! That is a huge decision hey? I couldn't do that! But it has really got me thinking. We live in such a consumerist society, we want everything we see, and everything is so accessible. BUT do we actually need all of the 'things' we acquire. I know I don't. Over the last couple of months, i have chosen not to buy anything that I dont need. I walk through the shop and see things I want, and for a moment I think, YES,  I need that, that will make life easier, but then that inner voice pops up and makes me really assess why I think I need it. In every case, I've realised that i don't need it. Our homes are already cluttered with things we don't need, so why add to the collection. After i've made the choice not to purchase the item i feel good, because i've saved money, and also because I havet been sucked in by my feelings. I feel like ive made one step in reversing the you 'YOU NEED THIS' from my brainwashed mind. it is seriously liberating. My mindset is changing.

I'm not saying that i'm not going to buy anything that I want ever again, of course not, that would be extreme! But I'm saying that i'm going to think about my purchases, and not just buy things for the sake of it. I dont feel deprived, I feel excited, im being wise with my finances, and i'm not cluttering up my house. I feel like im finally taking control.

Thanks for reading

love bec xo

Sunday, February 3, 2013


It's really quiet. Elias is in bed.
All i can hear is me chewing my ham sandwich.
I needed this sandwich cos my head was spinning, i'm not used to crying. I was even crying in bed last night, im glad my eyes weren't too swollen when i woke up.

I woke up to Jazzy crying and telling me that he had changed his mind and wasnt going to go to school. He threw his school bag in the bin cos he wasnt going. Todd was apologising to me cos he had to go and there was nothing he could do to help. In my head, i'm secretly thinking, well you could help by saying, dont take him, let hm stay home, home-shool him. But of course, I didnt voice this! After an hour and a half of this, he settled and we went outside and took some photos of the three in their uniforms. Oh it was the cutest sight! Mattea's first dress uniform, she looks so grown up and gorgeous. She was very excited about starting prep. Although last night she did say to me, with a tear in her eye, "Mum, im not sure how im going to do it, how do I keep going EVERY day with no half days anymore." Malachi looked handsome as ever in his uniform, proudly holding his GRADE 2 sign, BLESS! So anyway, we conquered the morning before school photo without it looking like Jaz was upset :)

Once at school we first went to the Kinder room and then Jazzy wanted to come with me to drop the others off at their classes. So off we went and I totally forgot Elias, and left him playing in the Kinder room. It didn't even cross my mind that he wasn't with me. 10 minutes later when I returned to the Kinder room I was surprised to see him and was like, oh my gosh, Elias!! My mind was so distracted by Jazzy that I had totally forgotten about my baby! I mean, if i hadn't had come back and seen him in the classroom I wonder how long it would have been till I noticed he was actually not with me...I prob would have gone to the car without him! Oh dear, mother of the year award!

Jazzy didnt want me to go, I stayed for a bit and when I found myself starting to get teary I thought I better leave so that he wouldn't see me upset. He didn't like this idea and screamed and clung to me... I told his teacher to just take him cos the tears were streaming now. So she pulled him away from me and i walked out of the room without looking back. Heart Breaking. It would have been worse if he'd seen me like that! I was so embarrassed, I don't usually cry in front of people and here I am, tears streaming, in the middle of a busy corridor. The Principal sees me, and he gives me a big hug,  I was trying as hard as I could not to sob! Oh gosh!
I went up outside the Prep/1 room cos i knew that's were my friends were, and the tears kept coming!

We went up to the Staff Room to 'tea and tissues'. All the sad mums could be together and have a cuppa and cry before heading home :) It was nice to sit and talk with Rach, Susan, Jess and others. Some ladies saw me and I must have looked bad or something cos they came and hugged me ;) Jazzy's teacher had made a little package for each of the Kinder kids to give their parents before they left. It contained a packet of tissues, chocolate, a calm tea bag and a bookmark. It was such a lovely idea and the tissues came in very handy.
Before I left I had a peak in through the Kinder room and i could see Jazzy happily sitting on the mat and doing actions to something... oh the relief, he was ok! HE IS OK!!!

On the way home I dropped in to see Ana and we had a cuppa. Then I dropped in too see Rach and we had a cuppa. So it has actually been a sad but happy morning.

Now im sitting here, in the quietness. Ive finished my ham sandwich and im considering what to do next. Im thinking I should really do some cleaning but i also want to do nothing, and just sit and enjoy the silence. Silence is rare. Well it has been rare, things are changing. I will enjoy it now because in a few hours they will all be home, telling me about their adventures at school.