Does anyone else ever feel like sometimes they are the worst parent ever?
We recently had school holidays and I told Mattea that I would have a full day that I wouldn't go on the computer at all, her whole face lit up and she was so happy. At the end of the holidays she comes to me and says, " You didn't have a day where you didn't go on your computer". Id totally forgotten! This makes me sad. Is doing absolutely nothing important on my computer more important than spending time with my kids? Of course not! I was so annoyed at myself. I felt like id let my kids down, and wasted precious moments with them. I still spent time with them, we had some lovely trips out and about as a family... but still the look on her face when I said about not using my computer was priceless, like i'd offered to buy her something amazing. I didn't realise how much me sitting at my computer impacted her. Giving kids the attention they need is so important. If your child starts saying "Stupid facebook", like my girl has then it's time to make some changes.
So i've decided to pull back from social media just a bit. Im allocating myself times where I turn my computer off and put my phone down. How silly is it that i'm so addicted that I have to put these restrictions on myself. My kids are so precious to me and they are only little for such a short time. I already feel like i've wasted so much of their lives sitting here looking at this screen.
I want to be a better parent. I want to pay more attention to the little things. I dont want to be distracted and only give them half my attention cos i'm busy on my computer. I want to be in the moment with them (even if it gives me a headache). I want to eat tea without checking instagram... my goodness im a sad case.
Jazzy broke his tooth last night and had to get it fixed thismorning. I was sitting on my computer editing photos when it happened and thought he was just being sooky, so i didn't pay him much attention. Todd cuddled him and gave him nurofen, and I sat here with my photos. As I sat there watching the dentist fix his tooth I felt so bad. Why hadn't I been the one to give him cuddles when he was hurting. Why didn't I take his tears seriously, instead of brushing them off as sooky. He is back at school now and I just want to cuddle him and tell him how brave he is and how proud I am of him. It wont be long and he wont want my cuddles and kisses all the time. I must make the most of it now. I must get off the computer now and make sure Elias has eaten his lunch... I need to put my kids first, before my blog, before Facebook, before Instagram, before Pinterest, before editing photos...
So there you go... another ramble :)
Thanks for clicking on the link and reading, means lots
Love Bec x